Strong.

I remember walking into the kitchen finding Misty lifeless by the back door.

Chad had fallen to the floor grasping his tear-filled face with both hands while my mother was off in the distance. At eight years old, I was left with no choice but to be the strong one for the family as I wrapped her lifeless furry feline body into a pillowcase and into the backyard for a proper burial.

Memories of this moment came flashing through my mind yesterday as I stood in Goose's (my grandma) room helping her as my family had just learned she needed to go to the ER. My mother once again was in hysterics not knowing what to do and as I came in, placed a diaper on an 89 year-old frail body, I fought everything to stay composed. This is the woman that walked 8 miles a day, raised two rambunctious and difficult grand kids, skinned a snake, and gave me her smile. Watching the woman that is dearest to me lose complete control, everything stopped for a minute as I held back tears knowing I had to be the strong one.

I looked at my mother and told her we have no control over what will happen, all we can do is help her in the moment. Worrying won't prevent her death, worrying wont keep her from aging, worrying wont make anything better.

As we drove to the ER I knew I'd have to take control and be that pillar for my mother. Once laid in the hospital bed, Goose turned to me. I smiled and waved and the largest smile came on her face. My mom was almost brought to tears yet again as she said, "I haven't seen her smile in months."

I love Goose more than anything and it's so hard to watch her age although I know the plan of salvation the Lord has for each and every one of us and that gives me comfort. She's been losing a lot of blood and they are concerned she has internal bleeding. She went from healthy to diapers overnight. Doctors were shocked she's not on any pills and has never had any heart conditions. The nurse looked at me and smiled, "you've got good genes."

If Goose is ready to meet grandpa, I want nothing more for her, I just want her to keep smiling and if being around her brings that forth than count me in!