Spiritual Lull.

Cait told me yesterday, "You know you're happiest when you're reading your scriptures," in response to me telling her I was in a frump and hadn't been reading as diligently. I made a promise to myself about two months ago that I would read my scriptures daily. One day slipped away and then two. I picked back up and started again but with slight frustration. I've kind of felt spiritually dumb for a while. When I joined the church my knowledge was so profound. I would read and immediately could liken them unto myself. My blessing says that the windows of understanding will be open to me if I search and ponder the scriptures daily. I'm promised this.

What's different today than 4 years ago? Why am I struggling so hard with in-depth studies. I read, but it's so hard to dig into the spiritual and symbolic meaning, to apply what I read to my every day life. I've had this question in my kind a lot lately and someone told me that when I first joined everything came easy to me and now the deeper I get, the more it is going to take to understand things. It's so ironic sometimes because I feel like I've been more spiritually close to God lately than ever before. I am endowed, I am the Relief Society president, I go to the temple weekly, and I'm praying and reading, yet I feel so ignorant when it comes to gospel knowledge.

I guess this is a humbling moment to realize you will always learn. We are never done learning, no matter how many times you read the scriptures, we are constantly taught. I shouldn't be searching for the same insight I had four years ago but rather new spiritual knowledge. I can't help but think of my favorite book, "If Life Were Easy It Wouldn't Be Hard," well isn't that the truth!

Sometimes you have to get through the hard in order to enjoy the beauty. "Nothing worth while is ever easy."