Baby Henry!

I love this kid. It is so good to see Cait and her little one!!!

I even got to take pictures of him in booties made by Goose, she loved making booties and beanies.

Cookies.

I spend a lot of time doing nothing during the hours of 7:00-4:00. While most Americans, and non-Americans, are working their little hearts out, I am sitting in front of a computer screen and blankly staring into space. I suppose most would say they envy me for this work ethic however there are times, namely every day, that I get bored with this lifestyle. Today I decided to make some use of my time, other than the usual, stare at the Facebook newsfeed and instagram posts, and look up healthy recipes. I made a joke with a boss today as they asked me to print something, I replied, “I am sorry, I am too busy googling random stuff to do that.” It was a complete joke, I printed his document (and then returned to my googling) but even my boss laughed and said, “google away.” Sometimes I wonder how it is acceptable to not be productive for an entire day and still obtain a paycheck. At any rate, after searching for random cat pictures and posting them on Stevo’s wall, I was directed to this cool blog for Paleo-style eating, I am not really into it for the eating healthy aspect but rather for the, “what can my stomach have and not be bothered.” I made an entire menu of items to eat, all the while stuffing my face with this amazing “healthy” cookies that I have been addicted to. They are called Pamela’s Chocolate Chip Mini cookies. Try them. Indulge in them. And while you’re at it, eat the entire bag so I don’t feel like the only fatty.

It’s Friday, which mean there is an added measure of laziness that is within the office and the fact that I board a plane in 4 hours to see my best friend and her new baby isn’t helping pass the time. I am so excited to see Cait. To see Henry. To eat Coldstone (I am sure that will happen as it always happens in Spokane) and of course whatever else this weekend may entail. I will miss Los Angeles, well, mainly Stevo… and of course the girls on Sunday at church, but nonetheless, this weekend will be superb and it can’t get here fast enough.

Enjoy your Friday and your weekend… and go eat a box of cookies, I condone this.

Dancing with Angels.

Last night while driving home the thought crossed my mind that I would like to pick up the phone and call Goose. This is the first time this has happened but it made me stop and think. My poor mother would drive up to see and take care of Goose every single day for at least the past 2 years. Although at the end I was going up there every day, and that alone has left a void within my life, I can’t even imagine how she must be feeling right now. With all things, life is cyclical and yesterday was also the celebration of life for my dear sweet best friend Cait as she and her husband Joe welcomed their little miracle, Henry Patrick Hennessey. I fly to Washington tomorrow for newborn shots and I am so excited to see Henry of course but Cait as well. I can’t help but think of the marvelous Plan of Salvation and the great joy it brings that I am knowledgeable of it.

Yesterday Stevo’s mom made a comment while venting, asking why life was so difficult and why things weren’t easier. He replied with, “I have an answer, but you don’t want to hear it.” Living the gospel greatly blesses your life. It may not make things easier, in fact, it does NOT make things easier, but it does make things bearable. There is a reason we are advised to do the small and simple things; prayer, reading scriptures, temple attendance, because it helps us bear the unbearable times. My life is incredibly blessed, there is much to be grateful for, that doesn’t mean life is perfect by any means, but after all, what is perfect?

And as for Goose, she's off dancing with angels...

P!nk.

Pink… is my favorite color, not really, but that reminds me of an Aerosmith song that I used to love! Although this post is not about Steven Tyler, you should check out that song if your ears have yet to hear it. Now back to the reason behind this post… P!nk. I have always had a secret crush on P!nk. A friend of mine had told me once before that she puts on an amazing concert so when I saw that she was headed to Los Angeles, I knew that scoring tickets to this concert needed to be on my bucket list. Little did I know this show would be one of the hottest of the year and scoring tickets would not be as easy as the girls on Sunset Blvd… oops was that wrong? Anyway, I had asked my friend Demond, who is a ticket broker, for tickets. He thought tickets would be easier to get as well and held off on snagging a pair in hopes that more would be released. Unfortunately for both of us, no more were released but on the upside, he pulled some strings and was able to get us tickets in section 209 at the Staples Center for $150.00 each… which was way less than the astronomical amount Demond paid but he felt bad he didn’t get me tickets so he claimed it was birthday/Christmas/and Hanukkah wrapped into one.

The seats were great. We were looking straight at the stage and were able to see her unbelievable performance. I honestly cannot believe that one artist puts so much effort into a show. I have seen hundreds of shows, if not thousands in my lifetime and to say that she was the best concert I have ever been to is the complete and honest truth. Not only was her music amazing, but the stunts that she performed were breathtaking and felt as if you were at a Cir De Soleil. Stevo had an amazing time as well, which made it all the more enjoyable. And we rode the subway there as an added adventure :)

Although I wish I was not sick anymore, the President’s Day weekend was great and being back to work on a Tuesday means the short week will fly by! Happy Tuesday!

Traditions.

Traditions must start somewhere with someone that feels there's significance in a certain action or procedure. Last night I decided to start a tradition: every February 15 I will eat a scoop of vanilla ice cream with hot fudge in honor of Goose.

Last night while out with some friends I said I wanted to celebrate her birthday. Someone had mentioned the Sprinkles cupcake vending machine but Goose never had them and if I could think of one thing she loved the most, it was ice cream. So, as we sat in a diner off of Sunset Blvd. I ordered a hot fudge sundae with two spoons.

Happy birthday Goose.

Happy Birthday Goose.

Today marks the 90th birthday of my sweet Goose. My great grandmother, her mother, lived until she was 99. What I would have given for another 9 years to be with Goose, however not in the state she was in of course. Looking back over the years and thinking of her birthday’s I know that Goose would want nothing more than for me to sit down and eat a big bowl of ice cream with some cookies… maybe just for the day we can ask the stomach gods to allow this to happen :). Mom sent me an article this morning that was written on her in 2005, it is so amazing to read the impact she had on other’s lives and how much she means to so many people. Last night I received the most perfect gift to prepare me for her birthday today, a locket. Elephants remind me of my grandfather. He got me a bronze elephant locket that is beautiful but what was inside made it even more meaningful. Inside the small locket were two photographs of Goose, one of my favorite photos of her and one of her and I when I was a baby. Prior to opening the gift, Stevo said, “Promise me, no matter what happens between us, that you will never get rid of this present.” I couldn’t have asked for a more meaningful gift and I will wear this locket close to my heart!

Although she is not here for me to write her a birthday card, I will write it on this blog as if she were reading it.

Goose,

Ninety years old! With each year you become more beautiful and more of an inspiration to me. I hope that you are walking many miles on the other side of the veil because we all know, “if you don’t keep the bones a movin’ they will quit on you.” I am not sure if it ever gets cold in heaven but if it does, I am positive that you have made everyone booties and beanies to keep them warm. I can’t even imagine how wonderful it was for you to see grandpa and how much fun the two of you are having together. As you learn and grow I make a solemn promise to you that I will do everything I can to assure you that we will be together again. The day that I get to seal you and grandpa together will be the most joyous day of my life and I look forward to it daily. If you promise to hold down the fort on the other side of the veil, I will promise to do the same here. We love you and miss you but are overjoyed for the blessings you have given to each and every person that came into your life.

Bushel and a peck!

-your favorite grandchild

Swish Swish.

I love my co-worker Laura, she always makes me laugh.

As I am sitting here with a head cold that is fighting its way into my immune system, I can’t help but be entertained by the simple musings at work.

This girl that we work with swishes when she walks. Regardless of what she wears, there is a forest fire waiting to start. So this morning, while Laura and I were sitting in silence, the swishing began. Laura turns to me and says, “It must suck that your presence is always announced before you even enter a room, that people can hear you from a mile away…her dreams of being a ninja are out the door.”
Ha!

…Happy Valentine’s Day! I haven’t had a valentine in a while and I am happy to end that streak with Stevo, he’s adorable. I sent Chad flowers today because I love my brother, and I wanted to show him how much he means to me.

Tomorrow is Goose’s birthday and I am going to try and only think of happy memories throughout the day but I can’t promise there will be no tears.

Imperfections.

Sometimes imperfections give you character.

While making something for Stevo’s Valentine present, I messed up and got slightly frustrated. I turned to my co-worker and said I was upset because I am a perfectionist and I messed up on something. She turned to me and said, “You know what? Sometimes imperfections give it character.” What a great insight and how truthful that statement is.

All to often we aim to be perfect, newsflash… we will never be perfect no matter how hard we try, and I honestly believe that our imperfections are what set us apart from each other and give us character. Our weaknesses, imperfections, quirks, and vices make us more real and appealing. That doesn’t mean that we dwell on our weaknesses, rather, we embrace the things we cannot change and we make them positive, or rather, view the positive in them.

Closing the Door.

A range of emotions come flooding through when you lose someone close to you. I'm not sure I've even processed anything that has occurred. Mom and I have been going through her things the last two days and although there have been moments of joy and laughter, there have also been moments of sadness as I picture Goose in her clothes, in her room, on her couch.

Yesterday while going through things I found her wig, put it on, and waited for mom to turn around and see me. She took so long to look up that I had forgotten the wig was on my head. She looked up and couldn't stop laughing. I put on some of Goose's lipstick, her fanny pack, and we just laughed. Tender moments like this in the midst of hard times are just what I needed.

Today as we cleaned up the last of her things I found myself overly emotional. It hit me. She's gone. This is the last time I will be in her room. The last night I'll open door A17 and see her big eyes light up. The last time I'll see her dentures sitting in a jar by the sink. The last time I'll smell her.

Taking the last load to the car, we locked door A17 and tears filled my eyes. Goodbye my sweet Goose.

Goodbye.

Angel Wings.

Mom had told me last week that when Goose passed she was just going to say, "she grew her angel wings."

Saturday am I drove over to see Goose and although she was not talking, she was able to acknowledge me as I crawled into her full-sized hospital bed, wrapped my arms around her frail body and fell asleep. This moment was priceless.

Sunday morning after church mom had called saying we needed to call Goose and say our goodbyes, that she was in a coma and the time was coming. We both called and contemplated whether or not we should head up to be with mom and Goose. Chad and I stayed together as we sat and reminisced about all of the memories when Chad looked at me and said, "do you think she's passed?" I said, "no, mom would have called." It was then that I looked down at my phone and saw a missed call and voicemail.

"Goose has grown her angel wings."

I ran inside to the kitchen and embraced Chad as we cried hysterically together.

I'm grateful for my knowledge of the gospel. I'm grateful for my friends and family and I'm grateful for Stevo and his support both physically and emotionally during such a difficult time for my family.

I love you a bushel and a peck...
...a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck.

Desensitized.

Death, accidents, trauma, violence, you name it, as a society we have become numb. Between glamorized television shows and news reporting, we don't even bat an eye at shocking or gruesome things. I know this to be true from firsthand experience.

Last night Stevo and I were walking Wendy home, about a mile away from my place when Wendy began telling a story that a homeless man had been killed while walking across the street near our houses just hours before. As we walked down the street our eyes all fixated on the pair of cops to our left as I joked, "was it right here?"

None of us were expecting my joke to hold any truth until we all looked down about 1 foot from where we were walking to see human remains.

Shock.

Was that really what we thought it was? Yes.
Were the cops really that nonchalant about us walking so close? Yes.
But more importantly, why wasn't I more affected?

I can only hope that the reality of it all didn't sink in and that's why it didn't impact me. How do we possibly keep ourselves from being desensitized?

Lay the Paper Down.

Last night while out with my girlfriends one of them started talking about guys, issues, dating, and of course the necessary topic of training men for relationships. Steve Harvey’s book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man,” has been circulating throughout the office and within the book he states that all men need to be trained. That every woman is different, just as the air and weather changes from city to city, women all expect/want/desire different things. While reading an article online, a woman oh so eloquently writes that men do not want to be nagged or hounded for bad behavior but rather praised for their good behavior. Although the article is quite humorous, I do believe that there is truth behind her words.

My friend and talented author of, Bigger than Texas, Heather Lindner, said it best last night, “men are simple, they do not do things to hurt you, they do things because they just don’t know any better.” Women like to overthink, overanalyze, and analyze again when the simple answer is right in front of our eyes. Dogs do not pee on the floor to piss you off, they pee on the floor because they don’t know any better. This is where Heather stated that for all the men she has dated, she has, “laid the paper down,” shown them what is acceptable and what is not.

I always find dating advice to be comical, regardless of who you are or how long you have been dating, everyone seems to encounter all of the same introductory dating issues with slight alterations.

Dating is an adventure and it includes growth spurts where both parties learn each other and if they work well together, these moments only bring them closer.