Unexpected. Unplanned...and Uncomfortable.

If I asked to take away the pain would I only be cheating myself of the blessings? With all trials come blessings, at least in my experience nevertheless, amiss all the knowledge in the world, when you're in the middle of a storm, nothing seems possible, nothing seems fair, and surely nothing seems like it will ever make sense. 

I jokingly told my best friend that I'd like to erase the last 3 years of my dating life, the heartbreaks, the hard lessons, and the confusion. Although I know I've learned and grown, as I sit upon another broken heart, I wonder when things will ever make sense. My friend Christa gave wise advice last night as I pondered the course my life has taken and the approach of my 31st birthday, "I'm just not where I thought I'd be." Christa shared a story about her grandmother and how she had asked her when things starts to make sense, when you figure things out, to which the 70-year-old replied, "I'm still figuring things out." We set milestones with expectations and believe we have failed when we don't meet them. 

Returning home jobless, loveless, and famliless (mom and I had a major falling out), makes things tough. Although I appreciate the kind and encouraging words, they go in one ear and out the other as I lack the capability to see the bright side of things at this point. Inately I KNOW things will work out, not how I planned, rather as The Lord planned, but I still struggle in the moment. Nine hours is a long time to be alone with ones own thoughts, the mind is capable of so much. 

Time essentially is the only answer and perhaps facing what is most uncomfortable will be most beneficial.