Putting Down the Pride.

My father always used to tell me, "Nicole, sometimes you're going to have to put aside your Priest pride." Truth be told he said this in regards to dating!

I can be stubborn. In fact, I think I am one of the most stubborn people I have ever met outside of my father. This weekend was one of the hardest times I had to lay down my "Priest pride" and do what I actually needed to do. The Big Sur international marathon was on Sunday. Saturday I woke up feeling just fine and drove up to Monterey California. At the event expo I decided to get some tape for my knee because it hurt during my last long run. I taped my knee that night and felt fine.

3:00 am my alarm went off and I felt great. I showered and geared up for the run. Made sure I had everything, kneeled to pray and made my way out the door and to the bus that left at 4:00 am to the start line.

40 degrees. It was cold but I still felt fine and when your adrenaline is pumping, you somewhat forget the cold.

6:30 am. They called for wave 2 to line up. I got into the line with the 4:15 pace group, which means if I stuck with them I would finish the marathon in 4 hours and 15 minutes. He warned us not to go out too fast and that the first 8 miles were downhill. Downhill my arse! It was rolling up and down, nonetheless, I was good. I felt great...but my knee had another plan. I decided not to listen to my iPod rather instead I would listen to the coaching of the pace group leader.

8 miles down. This was good. My knee was starting to hurt but I was ignoring it. He told us to think of our inspiration for running as we approached the 2 mile uphill at mile 10. Goose. I had her name on my bib number and I would think of her. Look up to the horizon he said, looking at your feet shortens your stride. I did just that.

No walking. I wouldn't let myself was up the hill. Slow and steady wins the race kept going in my mind. I had a good pace, it was no 8 minute mile but I was keeping a good 10 minute mile pace up the hill. The hill was endless. I kept waiting to see the mile marker for mile 11 but nothing. Part of me thought maybe they don't have mile markers on the hill, and then I saw it. Mile 11 great, it's only been a mile, one more to go. I turned on my iPod and kept my steady pace until I reached the top, mile 12! The two mile downhill was next. My knee started popping but I had made it this far and up the hardest hill of the course, I refused to quit. Crossing over Bixby Bridge with a man playing the grand piano was breathtaking as the waves crashed on the coast.

Mile 15. The popping became intense and the pain even worse. I pulled off to the side trying to stretch and pray. A bystander looked at my bib and shouted, "You got this Goose." A medic came over and asked if they could help. Choked up and in pain, I let them tape my knee, but I wasn't ready to give up.

Mile 18. I couldn't do it anymore and I knew I had to quit. I tried walking to see if I could at least still finish but the main was just as excruciating. I swallowed my pride and realized finishing wasn't worth a knee injury for the rest of my life. With tears in my eyes I pulled over and told the medics I couldn't make it.

As the medics took me to finish line I watched the pace group that I had been with cross. Pure sadness. I felt like such a loser and I am still having a hard time accepting this weekend. I see a doctor today and hopefully get some insight as to what happened.

Pride. It sure is hard to let it down.

Game Time.

As I laid on the bed in my doctor’s office, I began to think of every possible thing that could go wrong this weekend. I tend to be a pessimist when it comes to myself, an optimist when it comes to others, healthy I know haha! I have been seeing my acupuncturist a lot lately in preparation for my run. With being sick, having my stomach issues, and now having some knee issues, I wanted to make sure I was taken care of for Sunday.

She decided she wanted to cup me another time. Those unfamiliar with cupping (I was! In fact, after being cupped I was at Disneyland and felt some pain on my back. I lifted my shirt to ask Stevo is he could see anything from where she cupped. His mouth slightly dropped and he said, let me take a picture. I looked like a human lady bug with giant hickey-like marks all over my back.) That is normal. Cupping releases the tension you have in your back by a suction on different parts of your body. The suction loosens up tension and takes away pain… and leaves purple markings in the aftermath. Knowing I would be wearing a tank top for the run, but also knowing I would rather be in tip-top shape, I let her cup me one last time. Here is to running like a human lady bug :)

She cupped my knee and did some pressure points on my stomach for my knee. The body is such a miraculous thing! Everything works together as a giant system and if something is not working, other areas can help out. I feel ready. As ready as I can be. I am confident that my knee will be fine… the cold that I started to come down with on Tuesday is gone, (thanks to a blessing) and the only other obstacle I have to face are the hills… minor detail!

Tomorrow AM starts the drive up the coast, the race expo, a nice fish dinner with rice and veggies, and a 4:00 am commute on the bus to the start line, with an official start of 6:45 am. Happy race weekend!

Training.

I had a friend that recently wrote a blog about the birth of her first child. When she was telling the story, she was talking about training herself and learning everything that she could possibly learn prior to his arrival. She likened it to the preparation of her son to a marathon and how a person wouldn't run a marathon without any training. As I read the words on her blog, I started to get nervous as I thought that I really have not been training.

Before Goose passed away I made a decision that I would run this marathon. Goose loved anything that made her legs move. She had a saying, if you don't keep these bones a movin' they'll quit on you. I don't know if it's the fact that it wasn't my own money that registered for this race, I raised about $2000 for a charity, but I just haven't had the motivation to train as hard as I have for any of my previous marathons. Nonetheless, I told myself I at least had to get in two long runs. The first of the long runs was a 15 mile run to Santa Monica. The latter was supposed to be 20 down to Santa Monica. I began my run Saturday, the weather was horrible everything That could possibly go against me had occurred leaving me with only 18 miles.

Now, with just over a few days left until the run, I am beginning to feel like I should have prepared better. I feel like its the final days before my wedding, I've got my dress (race outfit), hired the DJ (put songs on my iPod, and need to plan the meal (for the night before the run).

Wish me luck.

Not Everyone is Going to Like You.

This is something I have come to accept. In life, not everyone is going to like you. Recently I received a phone call that a status that I had on Facebook was deemed offensive by another person. Now, I find myself to be a pretty conservative person I don't necessarily post controversial things I don't discuss politics but one thing that I just won't shy away from is the fact that my family are not members and therefore they may say or do something that I think is funny and it's a part of my life.

For anyone that knows my brother he is spent a lot of time in and out of jail. Therefore, as I was texting my brother today to try and figure out what we can get our father for his birthday, My brother had randomly text me a picture text message. The picture noted something along the lines of how he wished his stories of handcuffs involved sex and not police. My response, So we should get dad a stripper for his birthday then. The fact is, my brother sent me something that I found was funny and in turn, I posted it to my Facebook. Although I do apologize if anything I ever say or do offends somebody I don't necessarily mean that Everyone should simply cater to what they think will be approved by somebody else. In my calling as Relief Society president I understand that I am in the spot light, I also understand and have understood since I received my calling that we simply can't judge other people. I guess I make this post because sometimes, even I included, we post judgments on other people. Something that someone may find offensive that I have done or said perhaps they don't know the entire meaning behind a story perhaps it's only funny to me. I suppose that also means I should take into consideration how other things could be taken out of context. The moral of the story is, you're never going to please everyone. I obey the commandments, I read my scriptures, I attend the temple, I fulfill my calling and yes, I have a sense of humor.

Drained.

Last night I thought I was nearing a nervous breakdown. I think we all go through those moments where we realize there is just too much to do in too little time.

I've always been good at keeping busy and filling my schedule to the brim and although that is grand, there comes a time when you need to make sure you are taking care of yourself as well.

Last night as I was rushing from work to a meeting, then home to change, then off to a mission call opening (first one I've seen) and finally to a friend's art showing, I realized that I overcommit myself. There are days where there is nothing to do and others where you can't find time to breathe. Tomorrow will be another hectic day as I jam in a 20 mile run, a baptism, a bridal shower, a photo shoot got head shots, and a birthday party.

As I look at my eternal perspective I know that the small things really don't matter and that all will work out as planned but for now in the moment as I am only human, I am a scatter-brain!

16 days until show time. Aka marathon time.

And that's a McWrap.

I have been slacking. Not in my REAL life, but for sure in my interweb life as I have failed to update my blog on a daily basis.

I am sure some exciting things have occurred, but rather than spending an hour trying to remember them I will post about the one thing I can remember, and that is my invite to be a plus one at a Paramount party.

When my friend Heather asked if I wanted to be her plus one, I immediately said yes. Paramount studies? Most only get to see what it looks like from outside the walls but we had an invite to go on to the lot, and that was exciting, at least in my book. I asked what my attire needed to be because unfortunately, I haven’t been clubbing or out to Hollywood parties in oh, never. She told me to dress like a hipster, and since that isn’t necessarily in my wardrobe, I decided to wear some green skinny jeans and an adorable top I got from Anthropologie a few years ago. The party was for the “McWrap,” McDonald’s new healthy option for fast food. There was a large space of the parking lot tented and decorated, lined with a red carpet and paparazzi. As we entered the venue, the décor was amazing; I felt as if I were in a farmer’s market with flowers and vegetables galore.

“Would you like a drink,” said a young lady in black as she held out two smoothie options, “non-dairy or dairy,” I grabbed a smoothie, took a sip, then turned to my friend, and said, “these don’t have alcohol in them, do they?” She laughed, “How funny would that be if they gave you the option of dairy and non-dairy but not alcoholic or non-alcoholic.”

The menu included, “World famous” French fries, the mcwrap, and smoothies. As we looked around there was nothing but models. Great publicity. Gather a bunch of tall skinny models and claim that they love the new “McWrap.” I have been brushing up on my stars and celebrity magazines so I was proud of myself to notice quite a few faces. Every reality star including the Kardashians were there, many of the women from the Real Housewives, and … Zac Efron. I must say, I have been pleasantly surprised at the height of most people I meet in Hollywood. It amazes me that you always think stars are tall and built. Although I am not here to rain on anyone’s hopes and dreams of what the stars are really like, I can say, that most are short! I can also say that the Hollywood scene is not my scene. These stars are just people, that is all they are… people that like to drink and do drugs and smoke cigarettes. If I wouldn’t hang out with absurdly drunk people on a daily basis, why would I want to hang out with them just because they are famous?

This one guy approached my friends and began telling a story. I recall tuning him out after I had eyeballed his leather pants. He continued on with his schpeal about who knows what and was frequently trying to involve me in the conversation. I assume my lack of interest bothered him. He began his next statement with, “I am an actor and producer and I have been successful at it, I am not saying this to brag, I usually don’t tell people that, I am just saying it to validate my statements.” I had no clue who the man was, and I frankly didn’t care.

I left the party, with vegetables as my parting gift, and went home. On Saturday morning I had met back up with Heather to go shopping when she was telling a story about one of the guys from the night before (the not so interesting story man). She goes on to say his name, Tom Welling, which still didn’t ring a bell… until I pulled up his picture and saw that he was superman on Smallville. My point is, people are people, whether they are famous or not, and although we have built them up to be the characters they portray in shows and movies, they are just like every other person and if they are annoying to be around, or embarrassing drunks, the fact that they are famous shouldn’t redeem them from being idiots.

Decisions.

When making decisions sometimes its best to make a "pros" and "cons" list so this morning I did just that.

It's hard for me to make decisions sometimes. Is it the right choice, have I considered all of the possibilities and consequences of my choice, is this what the Lord wants for me? You know, the basic questions that run trough your mind and consume your thought process. So, after asking some friends their opinion, I finally decided to make a "pros" and "cons" list. Are the things on the "cons" list liveable? Are they changeable? Do the "pros" make up for the "cons"?

I firmly believe that the Lord will never lead you astray and that he will also provide the guidance and direction needed to make all important, no matter how small they may seem, decisions in your life.

Vomit.

That is what I feel like doing.

Last night Stevo and I were talking about our credit scores and I pulled up my credit report. Although my score is very good, I couldn’t help but look at my student loans, as those and my car loan are pretty much all that is on my report. I took out a calculator and began adding up my student loans, my stomach began to turn and was in knots. How the heck can education cost so much money?!

This morning as I came into work, per ushe, I began to play on the internet however this time it was a productive quest, how will I pay off my student loans?! I found this amazing article on Forbes about how this girl paid off $90,000 worth of student loans in 3 years, that gave me some form of hope because I didn’t have that high of loans and I do have a decent paying job right now. I need to start making a spreadsheet and watching my money and stop spending because the last thing I want to do is find myself in 20 years’ worth of repayments to the government.

I am motivated… now to just stay motivated as I pass up the new shoes and all the other amazing things my eyes may become set upon. Being a grown up sucks sometimes.

All the Greats in Three's.

The other day Stevo asked me what Goose sounded like, how she said my name, how she talked. I took a moment to think and I became frustrated, it has only been a month and I can’t remember her voice. With that in mind, I can’t remember the last she actually spoke since she was pretty quiet her last few months. I miss her every day and can’t stop thinking about her. Trying to come to grips and cope with a loss is never easy, especially when multiple losses occur. Someone once said that the greats go in 3’s, I lost that number 3 on Friday night.

Eric Billings was one of the most amazing men I knew. I met him four years ago when he was a high councilman in the ward I was baptized in. Working with Eric gave me the opportunity to grow and understand an amazing father, husband, and leader. His smile was contagious and his laughter filled a room. I recently introduced Stevo to him and stated that I had always wanted to marry one of Eric’s sons just so that I could have Eric as a father. Death is never pleasant but I think the most shocking and hard ones to accept are the unexpected ones. As I called my second father, David Beckstead, we talked about losing Eric and our gratefulness for the Plan of Salvation and to know that we will see each other again.

I hide loss really well, which is not a good thing. I suppose I don’t know how to handle it and one day I am just going to break down. This is my format to inform anyone that knows me that when I lose someone close to me, regardless of how I may appear on the outside, I am really hurting on the inside. I am a softie.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words and I would like to add that it is worth a thousand emotions as well. Seeing a picture of Eric and his smile, of Goose, of my aunt, a flood of emotions run through me as memories flash through the catalog in my mind. Heaven has gained a lot of amazing people within the past two months and I can’t wait to see them all again.

Are You Mormon?

There are countless times throughout the day that I will see people and wonder, “Are they Mormon?” Ok, maybe that is a bit of a stretch, maybe this only happens once a week, but nonetheless, it happens. On Monday I was in a department meeting and a new guy was standing over in the corner, as he was introduced I glanced over to see him standing with what appeared to be the outline of garments. Sometimes it is difficult to know if they are garments since most men wear an undershirt with their dress shirts but there was something more distinctive about his shirt, it had the “eternal smiley face” appearance. From that moment on I found myself watching his every move to determine if he could be LDS. Should I ask? Is that awkward? Will he say something else that would lead me to believe he was Mormon? The questions and thoughts began to flood through.

Yet again this morning, with another co-worker, I found myself asking the same question. My friend Laura and I go to Starbucks in the morning (don’t worry, I don’t get coffee). At any rate, we passed by Roger, a co-worker that is constantly happy and smiling. I stopped and asked, “Do you ever get mad?” He replied, “Yes, why do you ask?” I went on to tell him that he is always smiling. I asked if he had kids, he replied with 4. Laura then asked him if he wanted some coffee, he declined. As we walked away I turned to Laura and said, “Do you think he is Mormon?” She said, “I thought the same thing because he had 4 kids.”

It is funny what marks or deems people a certain faith or type of persona. I had analyzed these qualities, he didn’t drink coffee, he has 4 kids, he is always smiling, and he gives the appearance of a Mormon, yes, sadly, there is an appearance. I decided that since Roger and I are friends, I could ask him and settle things for once. I approached his office and said, “Random question, are you Mormon?” He replied, “Why, because I have 4 kids?” He chuckled and went on to tell a Mormon joke. I stopped him before he could continue and said, “Wait, I am Mormon.” I didn’t care what joke he was going to say but the last thing I wanted was for him to feel awkward after telling a joke and finding out that I myself was Mormon. He followed with the typical response I always get when I tell someone I joined the church 4 years ago, “did you join for a guy?” “Nope, I joined for myself.”

He said that people ask his wife all of the time if she is Mormon too. They don’t drink, they never have, he only drinks coffee occasionally, they have 4 kids, and he is always happy. Man is he a great candidate for the missionaries :) I suppose if they “randomly” showed up at his door it would serve for an interesting conversation in the office!

Frightened Rabbit.

Frightened Rabbit…

Is not a nickname I have for Stevo, rather one of the most awesome bands! I don’t remember how I found these little Scottish gems but they sure can put on a concert. They had renamed the venue from the Music Box to the Fonda Theatre so I had no clue where we were going but was happy that it was close to my place. There is something about music that changes a person, their outlook, the way they handle situations. I can sit at work all day long while listening to music and the time just seems to pass by.

I love music.

I also love my family.

46.

I have 46 days until my marathon.

Am I ready? No.

Have I been training? No.

I'm such a slacker! I am not sure if it's because I didn't actually pay for the marathon (monetary commitments usually push me harder) or the fact that I know my time is going to suck (because this is supposed to be one of try hardest marathons) but I have simply no motivation to fully train. I could also blame it on the fact that it's hard to train in Los Angeles, there were so many better running spots in Orange County. Regardless, I've got a marathon approaching and I've gotta get my butt in shape or I am going to hate myself for 4 hours (while running the marathon).

While talking to a friend last night I stated that in the morning I always have the motivation to run after work and after work I only have the motivation to run in the morning, it is a vicious vicious cycle.

In other news, I miss my cousin, she rocks.

Target.

Some days you are just a target.

When it comes to cars, I have never purchased something nice and luxurious until I purchased my Infiniti back in 2011. As with any new item, toy, or article of clothing, one does not want anything to happen to it and they become extra careful of how they treat it and in conjunction, try to make sure others are respectable in how they treat it as well. As soon as I drove off of that car lot I should have known I was driving a target… that would be hit, dinged, and smashed in every way possible.

June 2011- Three months after purchasing the car and two days before I left to the UK for vacation, a truck hit me going 65-75 mph while we were merging on to a freeway that was dead stop traffic. $14,000 worth of damage.

November 2011- A young girl with no insurance rear-ended me on Sunset blvd as she was texting and driving. $400.00 worth of damage.

January 2012- Valet attendants at the Marriot for a friend’s wedding decided they would make friends with my car and a white pole causing a large scratch and dent to the passenger-side bumper. $600 worth of damage.

March 2013… which brings me to this weekend. On Friday while driving along on my sweet merry way, a semi- truck driver for a large grocery store, was making a double right turn. I was on the inner right lane while he was on the outer left lane. He was not able to successfully make the turn while in his lane and therefore needed to occupy mine… with me IN it. Stevo looked over at me and immediately yelled, “TRUCK,” in perfect time for the large front wheel of the semi to collide with my passenger door.

Blessed. That is all I can say. Things could have been a lot worse and we were unbelievably blessed to have the damage, although bad, not nearly as horrible as it could have been. I could sit and be upset about the damage to my car but then I would be missing the greater picture of both mine and Stevo's safety. My car is drivable, no one is hurt, no glass is shattered, no fluids are leaking. I am not quite sure how much the damage is but I am going to assume it is somewhere around $5,000.00.

My lease on the car cannot be over fast enough. Although I must say that for an accident, the Infiniti holds up amazing. I hate having that first-hand experience to know that information but it is good to know that I can trust the vehicle I am driving to uphold a bad accident, a minor accident, and some dings, all the while keeping me and my passengers safe. I am not sure I will ever drive another vehicle, especially when I have children, knowing the safety and the quality of cars that Infiniti makes.

Bradley Cooper.

Every day, or rather at least once a week, someone at my work sees a famous person. Our office is located off of Avenue of the Stars, every tour bus passes by to notate how it has been in movies and is also where Creative Artists Agency (CAA) is located. CAA shares a building with us and in turn, we tend to reap the benefits of frequent celebrity sightings. I have worked here for two years and in that time have never personally seen a famous person without another co-worker pointing them out to me, until today.

Just two days ago I had asked Joanne at Coffee Bean if she has seen anyone famous in there lately, they usually frequent the Coffee Bean with their agents. She replied, “actually, Bradley Cooper was in here today.” Today, while breaking with my friend Laura, we were sitting down in the lobby when I looked up and my eyes became fixed on a man, “Laura, that is Bradley Cooper!” You may not be able to sense any form of excitement in text but I was excited. I had spotted a celebrity for the very first time, and he was a GOOD one to spot! As I saw him entering the Coffee Bean from outside I didn’t even have time to talk to Laura before I catapulted to the other entrance of Coffee Bean. Laura shouted, “are you getting something from Coffee Bean?” … “I am now!”

I rushed into the line, nonchalantly, as 6’1” of pure sexiness stood inches from me. Okay, I realize I sound like a 12-year-old girl at a Hanson concert, but I was excited. He leaned over to speak to his agent, “I’d like a mint Moroccan tea latte,” but not without turning to me and saying, “I’m sorry, excuse me,” before sitting down. He took off his sunglasses, pulled out his iPad and I began to doubt myself, “Is that really him?” Then I heard his name and all I was confirmed. I asked Laura to take a picture but she was embarrassed and left to wait for me outside. While standing waiting for my drink I decided I would take my own picture… and here you go:

The Dark Side.

Yet again.

I can't stand keeping my hair the same for any length of time. When it's brown, I want it blonde. When it's blonde I want it brown; short I want it long...and the list goes on. Blonde hair was fun but Stevo mentioned because my face is pretty (awe we love him) the dramatic hair takes away from my face. So, that in combination with the fact that I was tired of fried hair, I'm dark again.

Saturday, after getting my hair done, we drove to hang out with all my girlfriends in what was deemed the, "Besties and Testies party." I love those girls and it was great to see them and have them meet Stevo.

Life is grand. He is grand.