Duck (Sent March 15, 2012).

...duck goose.
I have arrived in France and I am staying at the most amazing chateau, or castle, just slightly better than the hostel I have been living at for the past 5 days. Actually, who are we kidding, I am living like a queen. Let me backtrack to the beginning of my day as to not take away any part of my adventure for your enjoyment. I woke up pretty early so that I could make it to La Sagrada Familia before they opened at 9. There is always a tremendously long line and I was on a tight schedule to make my flight at noon, so I wanted to be first. After waiting in the cold for over 30 minutes, I was entered into one of the most amazing sites. The church began construction in 1882. As you know, or you are finding out right now, Gaudi was commissioned to design this cathedral in in 1883 at the age of 31. I can't even begin to describe the church so I will have to include pictures! After finishing up at the cathedral, I hopped on the metro (my first time in Spain since I have walked everywhere) and made my way back to the hostel to check out and grab my backpack. Funny, after only 5 days my light backpack was suddenly something I was dreading wearing with all of the things I have bought thus far. I made my way to the city center to catch the aerobus to the airport and adios Barcelona.

I flew an airline I have never flown before, Vueling. It was so simple and such a wonderful flight, especially for costly a measly $40.00. I was frighted that they wouldn't allow me on with the backpack and were going to make me check it, which would be about an extra 40 euros ($50). My flight was delayed 30 minutes, which made me feel horrible because Cazou would be picking me up from the airport. I was told she would be there with a sign that said, "Nicole." After waiting for 30 minutes and not finding anyone, I decided to call the castle. Cazou answered and said that her husband, Lucien, was there to pick me up. She told me he had white hair and he would be on his way. Suddenly I felt like a lost kid searching out every man with even a speck of white hair. Then that awkward stare down begins as I look at him, wondering if he is going to look at me and ask my name. I started to give up hope as everyone cleared out of the airport, when I looked behind me and saw this man slowly approaching, white hair, and a bent sign. He slowly made contact and went to lift the sign. I saw my name and quickly smiled. I found my ride and had achieved victory! Lucien is such a nice man, with very dry humor. He kept joking around with me and definitely broke the ice between two strangers that didn't know each other. In case you missed this before, my father knows them and had told me about this castle. They have never met me, I have never met them, but alas, we meet in France.

The castle is on 36 acres of property. Deer stream throughout the land and it is magical. Apparently France had a horrible winter last year, pipes froze, and caused much water damage to parts of the castle. It is in renovations and is closed to the public for another 3 months so I get to be here alone with them! After relaxing and getting settled in, in my large bedroom on the south end of the quarters we went out for dinner. I couldn't read the menu because it is all in French and this is not a tourist spot so they don't have an English translation, therefore, I had to rely on Cazou to order everything. She informed me prior to dinner that duck was their delicacy here and that the best food you could have in Southern France was duck liver. Well, we were at a very fancy restaurant and I wasn't about to say, "I don't eat that," so, you guessed it, I had duck liver and duck. Duck is a red meat, somewhat like steak but much leaner. It is actually quite good! Duck liver is, um, well, I am not sure how to describe it other than I wouldn't have it again. It melts in your mouth, not much chewing is necessary. Before dinner we had this amazing goat cheese that was wrapped in a wonton looking thing upon a bed of greens and for dessert, she described it to me as apples in a phyllo dough with ice cream. I took one small bite of the dessert when suddenly I could feel, smell, and taste, a mound of alcohol. They douse, and I mean douse, the top of this dessert with a specific liquor indigenous to Auch. I immediately said, I don't drink, and that pretty much ended that dessert eating haha!

We made our way back to the castle where I am now writing this email. I am excited to just relax here. I am going to explore the small city, indulge in more French meals, sans alcohol, and then make my way to San Sebastian on Saturday morning.

Ciao!







The Castle!

Tarragona and Sitges (Sent March 14, 2012).

Nothing like waking up in the morning, going to put in your contacts and dropping one down the drain. After trying to decide whether or not I wanted to open the drain, it was 7am and I wasnt thinking rift. I turned on the water only to watch the contact I had already thought was down the drain, go down the dark. Thank heavens for glasses because I'm going to be four eyes the remainder of the trip.

I walked over to Catalunya Plaza for my tour to Tarragona and Sitges. Andrew, mu guide from Scotland, did the Figueres tour yesterday. I had actually followed him yesterday to listen to him inside the museum. As luck would have it, he was the guide today. It was awesome for me because there were six people ok the tour and I got to sit in the front seat which meant I got to pick his brain for the hour ride to Tarragona. I learned so many interesting facts about Dali and I wish I had more time to go back. He told me that Dali is actually buried in the museum and that he wanted everyone to walk all over him. The main room of the museum is directly above his tomb. He was married but they never consummated that marriage and after her death he went into a depression and was secluded into a wing of the museum. Dali wanted you to experience things on their own so actually tour guides aren't allowed to say much inside the museum.

Dali left everything to the Spanish government and that's why the city is so poor. They don't receive any money from the museum. He worshipped and somewhat stalked Freud and a lot of his work was geared towards him. The figure with the drawers was to represent that everyone has secrets and they sometimes pull out their drawers or other pull them out. Picasso was also an idol of his.

Salvador Dali was born in 1904 but they say the real Dali was born three years prior. He had a brother named Salvador Dali that died 9 months before Dali was born and his parents believed his brother was reincarnated through him so at 4 they took him to the grave and said look, this is you. He was obsessed with death and thought that him and his brother were like Gemini brothers. One was destined to die and one was to be eternal which is why he had a big ego.

The first stop in Tarragona was the aqua duct, used to carry water to feed Tarragona. It took three months to make this and was built by engineers and soldiers. It is called the devils bridge because they said the architect would never be able to make the bridge without the devils help. Tarragona is a town of about 134,000 people. It is the Third most important Roman city and has the biggest circus. Not a circus with clowns but one with chariots. Imagine the underground shots of Gladiator. It looked like that. The guide let us on our own for two hours to explore the city. I bought the most amazing jacket and then headed into the circus to tour around. It's so amazing looking at history like that. Napoleon blew up a majority of the circus but what's left is very significant to the town.

From Tarragona we went to Sitges, a beautiful town on the Mediterranean sea. I sat down for lunch at this cute little restaurant on the water called Yamuna with sounds of a Spanish man serenading by guitar. I had a fixed three course menu with dorado a la plancha (white fish) with ensalada caprese (mozzarella salad) and a brownie with strawberries. Simply amazing and all for 15 euros.

We drove back and stopped at this hidden house that Gaudi designed. It was awesome and we were not allowed to be there, which made it even more fun. The tour guide was amazing, he gave each of us chocolate indigenous to Tarragona, a cocoa covered almond that was unlike anything I've ever had! Go look up catanies and order yourself a lifetime supply, you won't regret it.

I rushed back to the hostel to meet up with a group that was headed to a Flamenco show and dinner. The Flamenco show was very passionate and interesting to watch. We all headed to this place for dinner that only the locals go to. I had this traditional Spanish meal that consists of spinach with pine nuts and raisins.

It's been an eventful but amazing day. I forgot to mention I ripped my favorite pair of jeans tonight! I would have shed a tear but I haven't had time to morn over them yet! I think that means I've eaten too much.

Tomorrow I'm going inside La Sagrada Familia, which is everything this city is. I thought one f the tours I went on was going to take us inside but it didn't. It opens at 9 am so I'm going to head there before my 12pm flight to Toulouse. I was going to take a train from the airport but my dad's friend, Cazou, is picking me up and taking me to the castle. I'm so grateful for this amazing trip and the adventures I've had thus far and can't wait for what awaits me!

Dali and Picasso (Sent March 13, 2012).

Today was my museum day! I woke up and took a train to Figueres, a town about 2 hours away to visit the home of Salvador Dali. If I could describe this town to you, I would have to compare it to something along the lines of a Mexican city. The city itself looked to be somewhat poor and it's obvious the only reason it is visited is because of Dali. There were cute little outdoor markets with fruit and meat and signs pointing everywhere for the Dali museum. When I arrived it was quite crowded, even for 10 am. After to being to the Louvre and many other museums, this was probably the most intriguing and interesting. Dali had a brilliant or crazy mind, whichever you would like to believe. HIs artwork is beyond outside of the box and makes you smile just trying to imagine how he constructed his masterpieces. There was this one room replica of his in the museum. The chair was a set of lips, the coffee table was a nose, the curtains were hair. I will include a picture so you can see how awesome this view was. I bought some prints and I may give one to my brother, if I still love him when I get home :)

After browsing throughout the city, I decided to make my way back to Barcelona to view the Picasso museum. You would have thought I was on a wild scavenger hunt, I couldn't find this museum for the life of me. I am proud of myself, I even had two very successful conversations, in Spanish, with fellow pedestrians, trying to locate this museum. I finally found it down a tiny side street and waited in quite a long line to enter the museum. Once inside I whipped out my camera, like usual, to capture some images when two guards came up to me and told me no pictures. I was astounded. I have been in the Louvre, which has the Mona Lisa and pictures were allowed. There wasn't even any of Picasso's famous paintings in this museum, I am pretty sure they are all in Chicago and New York. Nonetheless, I browsed through all the rooms and made my way out of the museum and back towards the city center. I walked up Las Ramblas, walked through this amazing fresh produce market, searched for some awesome shopping, but alas, nothing. I just got back from dinner with some people at the hostel. By the way, this hostel is amazing! Best hostel I have ever stayed out!!

We decided to walk up the street to this places called, Tapas, Tapas, that was recommended by some people. The three of us, one girl from Boston and one guy from Canada walked over. It was 40 euros for horrible tapas! The guy ended up paying for all of us, which was nice and then we headed to get waffles with ice cream! Apparently this is something popular here, it was so amazing. I am in chocolate overload right now and I will be purchasing new clothes since mine won't fit anymore and so that I don't have to be naked the remainder of the trip :)







Portrait of Picasso by Dali

Picasso by Picasso

Breathtaking Barcelona (Sent March 12, 2012).

Today was a very long but eventful day filled with break taking views, lots of history, and of course Catalonian culture. Let me start out with the most important fact; rollerblades are the fanny pack of the 80s for Barcelona! I have seen more people on rollerblades than in cars... okay, maybe that is a fib, but still, there are a lot. I started the day out with a tour to Montserrat at 9:30am. Montserrat was so incredibly breathtaking that it almost brought tears to my eyes. Let me start with some brief history for you. Franco, who was in power until 1975, was a much hated man. He wouldn't allow anyone to speak Catalonian, forcing everyone to speak Spanish. The only place they were able to speak Catalonian was at Montserrat. In the 12th century it became the home of the Black Madonna (or Black Virgin) and to this day is a sight of great pilgrimage. There is also a monastery there which has the oldest young boys choir. The first hour we were there I spent hiking up the side of the mountain which was seriously breathtaking. Then at 12:15 they opened up the line to touch the Black Madonna. The line was long and the boys choir was going to sing at 1:00, but only two songs. Halfway through the line I got slightly upset knowing there was no way I would make it back to the chapel in time to see the choir. Alas, as we made the pilgrimage up to the Black Madonna, I could hear the boys in the distance and where she stood in the back of the chapel, elevated up 100 flights of stairs, I was able to overlook the entire chapel and watch the choir sing. I will include pictures so you can see this beautiful sight. I then went outside to the side markets where I purchased some sheep cheese (very strong) and got back on the bus. We made our way back to town and had an hour break before I would be going to look at La Sagrada Familia and Parc Guell.

Small interesting fact...there is also this awesome tale about Saint Jorde, a man that slated a dragon to save a virgin woman. They celebrate him all over the city, there are buildings named after him, and dragons everywhere! On April 23 they have Saint Jorde's Day which is like our Valentine's day. The men give women a rose and women give men a book!

During my break I wanted to shop. Everyone that I have asked where I can find a good leather jacket (since that is my mission in Spain) they try to say Zara or H&M. I don't want to shop at places that we have in the states. I am beginning to think that I may just buy something to say "I bought it in Spain". The vintage stores here are nothing like our thrift stores and they are WAY overpriced. I got an empanada on a side street and made my way back to the second half of the tour. We went up to Parc Guell, which is a park that Gaudi was commissioned to build. It was intended as an oasis for the rich but they said it was too far away from the city and so it became a park. It wasn't my favorite, but it is a pretty place. We headed over to La Sagrada Familiar, which is the church that Gaudi built, however it is still in construction and will probably be another 15 years before it is finished. Gaudi was an interesting man, he was never married or had children and was killed after being run over by a train.

After completing that tour I decided I was going to shop a little bit. Brother, I got you the coolest mosaic elephant (it reminded me of grandpa). I then bought myself some shoes. I didn't get any sort of deal on them, but I liked them so I bought them! Tomorrow I am going to head to Figueres and see Dahli's museum. Barcelona, the actual city is very small and easy to get around. Figueres is about 60 miles out of the town center but I hear it is a place I must go. I hope you're having a good Monday at work :)














Boys Choir






Black Madona

Paranoid Priest (Sent March 11, 2012).

I had a 4 hour bike tour beginning at 11 and since everything is closed on Sunday's, I figured I would just walk around and check out the city before the tour. I get all the way to the ocean, had been walking about an hour, when I reach in my bag to take a picture only to realize the battery was back at the hostel. It was 10am. I walked as fast as I could back to the hostel, grabbed the charger, and headed back out. As I walked to the Plaza de Jaumes, there was people crowded everywhere dressed in high fashion of the 20s and loaded into really nice old cars. Apparently there is a car festival that happens once a year where really wealthy people come and show off their cars and drive 40 miles to Sitges. That was a fun start to the day.

I then got my cute yellow bike and the tour began. We rode all around town, the weather was beautiful!! I definitely have a Spanish suntan! We rode to the beach where the tour guide wanted us to eat at this Italian place. I am sorry, I am in Spain, I don't want Italian food, so I headed up the street to a place where I had some nice tapas. Not so keen on their potatoes with mayonnaise but when in Spain! The tour guide didn't like me too much for taking off to a tapas joint and 4 other people followed! Oh well. After the tour finished I decided I would walk to the castle at Montjuic. I am not sure what I was thinking wanting to walk but I felt like the road kept going up and all I saw was tour buses and cars, not too many people with my bright idea to walk.

I have to let you in on a little secret. Because of the large amounts of theft here, I find myself ignoring people, acting as if every single one of them wants to loot all my belongings and shove me in a trash can. I know it isn't that bad but I swear every time I see someone make eye contact with me, I feel like they are planning to take my camera. It is slightly annoying having to be so paranoid, it makes it hard to relax and is nowhere like any of the other European countries I have been to. Everywhere you go however, you are told to watch out for all the theft, so I suppose I would rather be on edge than get something stolen. At any rate, I made it to the top of Monjuic, which has the most amazing view of the entire city. I took a bunch of pictures and headed back down for some food. I saw a nice little ice cream shop so I decided to treat myself. As I have mentioned before, on Sunday the entire city is shut down so basically the only things that are open are touristy areas. Therefore, I ended up paying 13 euros for the worst paella I have ever had, then headed back to the hostel and may have gotten some more ice cream... maybe.

Tonight I am going to go out with a bunch of people from the hostel and then tomorrow is Montserrat. I have attached a few photos for your enjoyment :)

42F (Sent March 10, 2012).

I am writing you this email from a quant little patio in Barcelona at the hostel I will be living at for the next 5 days. The air is brisk and it is so peaceful. Let me backtrack. About 14 hours ago, as I was sitting in the LAX terminal awaiting my flight. Every time I fly there tends to be some form of excitement, this trip was much different, everything was going too smoothly. There was nearly no one in the terminal which made for an easy check-in and boarding. As I boarded the plane I looked at the seat numbers and down at my ticket, 42F. Yes, I would be sitting in a middle seat for a 10 hour flight to London. I was greeted with a pillow, blanket, toothbrush, and headphones. The flight attendant, his name was Marcel La Cock, I think I would marry him for his name alone. To the left I had a young girl, about 14 years old that you could tell was meeting a parent in London, to the right, was a man that thought he owned both armrests, breathed heavy, and was not American. In fact, there were probably only about 20 Americans on the entire flight of 400 people. The plane was two stories! I slept for the first half until I was awoken by my best armrest stealing friend, it was then that I decided to browse through the available movies and watch, "The Descendants," good movie.

Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is complimentary on British Airways international flights. Mr. La Cock tried to give me wine about 4 times, he kept telling me it would make the food taste better. After one bite of the chicken, I can attest to his statement. Arriving in London could not have been easier. Now, I have arrived in London with that being my final destination and it took almost 2 hours to get through customs, this time I simply walked up, went through another set of security and headed to board my flight to Barcelona. Barcelona is an hour ahead of London so the flight was only about 2 hours. You would have thought I was the only person in Barcelona when I arrived. No one was at the airport. When she checked my passport, she didn't even ask how long I would be staying. It has never been easier to navigate around, find the bus to take me to the city center and find my hostel.

The hostel is very cozy and cute. They have already given me a nickname, 60 euros, because they found out I paid 60 euros for a tour to Tarragona when I could have gone there for 20 euros. It's amazing how much American's get taken for! I thought it was a good price, but I suppose I always learn something new when I travel and this time it was, don't buy tours or things online, you can get them cheaper in person! She immediately showed me a map of the local spots, I am in a really central area with tons of Gaudi sights to see. Then again, Gaudi is pretty much all of Barcelona. She looked at the clock, it was 8:40, she said, you better put all your stuff away and run to the market, they close at 9 and nothing is open on Sunday. I rushed the few blocks to the market, bought some fresh strawberries, what I think was salami or some other meat that looks like salami, fresh cheese (I couldn't tell you the kind because I can't understand a thing I am reading here) and some bread.

I am beat so I am going to take a shower and call this a night. Tomorrow is my first day for sightseeing and I am going to embrace Barcelona and it's awesomeness. I hope this smooth start to my trip is a sign of the remaining 11 days!

Talk to you soon,


Nicole

"Adeu"

That is your first Catalan lesson on how to say, "goodbye."

It is that time of year again where I pack all my belongings (or 12 days worth of clothes) into a backpack, along with my camera and laptop, and head across the country for an adventure. This year my destination is Barcelona, Spain and the South of France. Why? It sounded like a great place with awesome food. I hope I can paint an ample picture of the beautiful country as I journey through Barcelona for 6 days, up to Auch France for 2 (to stay at a castle http://www.chateaulescharmettes.com/), then down to San Sebastian for the remainder of the trip until I fly back to LAX on the 20th.

I am finishing up at work and then headed to the airport for my 8pm flight, stopping briefly in London and then arriving in Barcelona around 7:30pm on the 10th. I may lose a day traveling, but you all will be losing an hour this weekend with Daylight Savings Time! Apparently Europe doesn't change their clocks until the 25th and by that time I will be back at work in my cube (unless I never come back!) The time difference will be 9 hours. For all those not desiring to do the math, I land at 7:30pm and for all your Californians that is 10:30am your time. For anyone else, just google the difference :)

I have attached my tentative itinerary. I say tentative because anything could change. My mother is on this email so I wont joke about disappearing and you having to send the troops to find me at any of the listed locations. I hope these emails find you safe and well, I will speak to you from Barcelona!

Seeing Red.

I waltzed into work this morning with a smile on my face and flaunting my new mod-look. I was happily telling everyone good morning when I finally reached my desk. My cube-mate looks at me and says, "We need to talk. You booked Greg's cars wrong, no one was there to pick him up and take him to the airport. You need to pay more attention to detail."

Back story.

I covered for Eileen last week while she was on vacation in Arizona. Eileen supports the biggest partner in the firm, Greg. It was crazy busy with another girl out sick and already being short staffed and I just didn't double-check everything like I should have.

A few minutes passed by and Eileen comes back up to me and says, "Sorry I lashed out at you, you just need to...

She couldn't even finish her sentence before the waterworks were turned on. I couldn't stop crying. I never cry. What had come over me. I sobbed and went on to tell her how busy things were, how I was covering two desks, couldn't find her password...

She stopped and just stared. She had no clue all these other elements were in the picture but none of that mattered. What mattered was that I messed up, it was in the past, there was nothing I could do to fix what had happened, I could only fix the future. I immediately went to the bathroom to finish crying. I couldn't believe how red my eyes were. The best lesson I learned however was how awesome my eye-liner was! (I had been searching for one that wouldn't wear off throughout the day and man, this didn't even smudge with the waterworks)

All joking aside, I was very upset. Upset that I now looked incompetent. My friend made a joke that sometimes she wishes there was a ctrl+z (which corrects the last thing you did on a computer) that you could do on life.

I know we are human and everyone makes mistakes but I sure did a good one. I decided to come back to my desk and write Greg an email. I knew he wouldn't want excuses, or even a reason as to why.

Greg,

My deepest apologies for the mess-up on your car service yesterday. I know that there is nothing that can take back the mistake that I have made however I still wanted to express my acknowledgement for making the mistake and let you know it will never happen again. I know it’s hard not to let that reflect on my performance as an assistant, and I can only make sure there is better attention to detail in the future.

It was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I had done all I could do and hopefully that was enough. It wouldn't fix the situation but would hopefully show my viewpoint on how I treat my job and how I understand my mistake.

Within minutes he came out of his office, thanked me for the email and said, "No worries."

I find in life that people always want to make up an excuse for why something happened. We never want to just accept responsibility. The fact is, we ARE human, we DO make mistakes, that isn't an excuse to constantly make them, but it does mean that when they happen we shouldn't run from them or defend why we messed up. The fact is, you mess up and you do your best to make sure it never happens again.

You Are Loved.

It is a mystery why we fall in love. It is a mystery how it happens. It is a mystery when it comes. It is a mystery why some loves grow, and it is a mystery why some loves fail. You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes, but you will never do any more than take the life out of the experience.

Love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share. And just as life itself is a gift that comes and goes in its time, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways.

You need to treat what love brings you with kindness. If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn’t choose to rest in the other person’s heart.

If you find someone else in love with you toward whom you feel no love, feel honored that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage; do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how love will deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are very different.

If you fall in love with another who falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know it in time, but time itself will choose the moment.

Remember this and keep it in your heart. You don’t choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it to you. Give it to others who seem poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in any way you can.

Love has its own time, its own season, and its own reasons for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it or reason it into staying. If it chooses to leave your heart or the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and nothing you should do. Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life. If you keep your heart open, it will surely come again.

- Kent Nerbern

Heavy Heart.

I write this post with a heavy heart but know that it is only temporary. Let me take you back to this weekend. I had a Catholic baptism that I shot for my friend on Saturday and afterwards headed home to Orange County. Mom had mentioned she had this prayer box that she made right next to her bed and that if I had any prayer requests, I should put them in there. On Sunday morning I was getting ready for church while she was already at her church and just felt the urge to open the box and read her prayers that were already in there. It wasn't with surprise that I read her prayer request, in fact, I knew that would be just what was in there. Nonetheless, it was sad to actually read it. I suppose sometimes you wish that your expectations or assumptions would be wrong. Enclosed was a note that read the following:



I contemplated how I would address this, what I would say, would I not say anything at all? It weighed heavy on my heart however to say something, to address it with an honest heart and with love. I asked my friend Cait, what I should say, that I was having a hard time putting everything to words and she said, just be honest. That was great advice and I was able to write a very beautiful letter that expressed how I felt and what the church means to me:

I have been thinking a lot lately about things you have said and things that you feel regarding me and my choice to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I want you to know that I am writing this email with love and it is not my intent to upset you or make you mad. I know that it bothers you, weighs heavy on your heart, but you have never told me why you feel the way that you do. You have mentioned that you feel that I have been brainwashed but I my question again is what would make you think that or give you that impression? I am not trying to be rude or condescending, I honestly want to know if you feel I have changed as a person or as your daughter? Do I act different towards you? I ask these questions because something is making you feel so strongly against me and my decision and if it is based on real evidence and knowledge of how I am acting or treating you, I want to know. If it based on something you have read or seen against the church, then I want to tell you that it's not fair to believe those things if you have witnessed for yourself that I am a good person, that I treat my family with love and respect and that although you may not understand the church, that from the times you have been there, you have seen and heard us sing about and talk about the Savior. It makes me sad because from the beginning you have told me that I was going to push you away or that I would find a new family within the church, because you have read things that pertain to that, but I honestly feel that because you have that mindset, you are the one that pushes me away because you are expecting me to be like all of the things you have read. I don't want another family, I love you and everyone else in my family.

You have said before that we have different Gods, that couldn't be further from the truth. I believe in the same true and living God that created this earth, that sent his only begotten son to establish a church, call 12 apostles, walk amongst us, and die for our sins. Mormonism may be foreign to you and I completely respect that. You may not believe that there is a current prophet on the earth today, or believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, but even so, even if what I believed was wrong, that prophet on the earth today only testifies of Heavenly Father. He doesn't tell us to do crazy religious ceremonies or worship other beings. I guess my request is that you respect my choice to be a member of this church as I respect and love you for not being one. I love you more than anything and I know that you want my best interest but I promise you, no one is brainwashing me, these are my true feelings and although I can tell you until I am blue in the face, why I believe the things I believe, I can only lead by example. I remember writing you a letter the day I was baptized with that same message, that I could tell you, but you would have to see to know. I don't feel that any of your assumptions about the church or about how I am going to act or not act are true. We can both argue back and forth about it but we really have to look at what we know from experience, not what another person tells us to believe. I am not sure what you have read or saw, but I do know that my Heavenly Father loves me and that my Savior died for my sins and that I live each day as a witness of his love. My decision to go through the temple recently was of my own choice, no one coerced or made me do that. Contrary to whatever anyone has said, the temple is about the Savior, about Adam and Eve, there is nothing inside the temple about Joseph Smith, I do not worship Joseph Smith, I love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I do respect and honor Joseph Smith as a prophet for what he has done, but I do not worship him.

Yes, temple work is about doing work for those that have passed, but how awesome is that? No one is forced to believe or accept the Savior but we know that to enter heaven we must be baptized by the correct authority through immersion. People on this earth that die without having the opportunity to accept the gospel or know Jesus Christ should not and are not lost causes. We don't just die and that is that. In heaven we continue to learn and grow. If baptism by immersion is required in order to enter heaven, how can a dead person be baptized without a body? That is what temple work is about, we do the work for those on the other side. Sure that may seem odd or different but that doesn't mean we are a cult or doing anything wrong. We spend numerous hours, dedicating time to help others.

You may not know this but for a while, after I joined the church, I struggled with things. I guess I thought being obedient, reading, praying, obeying the commandments, meant I would have all these great blessings, I would get married and have kids and when that didn't happen, I was sad. I tend to forget that things happen on God's terms and just because they don't happen when we want, doesn't mean we stop following or obeying our Heavenly Father. Well, I stopped reading my scriptures, which is the same bible that you read, you can look at my scriptures and compare them to yours. Yes, Joseph Smith has interpretations of scriptures but they are not within the actual text, they are in another place in the back of the scriptures. I stopped praying and I was in a really sad state, and was not doing things I should have been doing. It took stumbling for me to realize how confident I am about my membership in the church and how grateful I am for the fullness of the gospel. I forgot my worth as a daughter of God and tried to fix my unhappiness with instant gratification. That may not make sense to you but it's all within the bible how we are expected to live our lives. Sadly, most everyone chooses to only take bits and pieces of scripture that they want to apply to their life and obey and disregard everything else. It may seem weird, or abnormal, but that is not the life I want to live.

I am sorry that you feel so strongly against the church. I know you have claimed there is no evidence but I am not sure what type of evidence you are searching for. Every time that I ask you to tell me what you disapprove of or why you are against the church, I don't feel like there is ever a straight answer. I am not mad or upset, I just want to know why you feel the way you do and there may not be an answer to that. I do respect you and know that you love me but I ask the same from you. I am still your daughter, I am still Nicole Priest. Sure, I have grown spiritually and my understanding of my Heavenly Father and Savior has grown, but what is the harm in that? You know me, you know I am a strong person, you know I wouldn't just do something or be someone that I do not fully believe in. I obey the commandments, I read the scriptures, I pray to my Heavenly Father, the same Heavenly Father that you pray to, this is something you really need to understand. You can believe the things that you read, I can't force you otherwise, but I really do ask that you just take a moment and ponder me and who I am and what I am telling you I believe. I would have no reason to lie or tell you something that wasn't true.

I love you and I hope you see and understand that and don't take this email to be rude or mean or me trying to impose my beliefs on you.